Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
