I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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