I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
