when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The air was thick with penises
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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