Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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