hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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