guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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