whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
