i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
