Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
