I wish my penis had an off switch
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
