I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
