I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
vagina is talking i cant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
