If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
