if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
