Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
