i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
