google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
