I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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