You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
