And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am one with the molecules
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sext me about skeletons
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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