she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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