All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
