Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
