In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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