we're making bets on your personal life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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