She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
