i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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