theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
