Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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