ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
