I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
