I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
