There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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