i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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