Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
