when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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