she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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