K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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