dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
