We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
