You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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