I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
