he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
