I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
