proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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