Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
