She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
