there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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