So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
FUCK WHALES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
