we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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