I heard we made out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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