Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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