Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
