I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
