sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're too hungover to prance.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
