I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
