Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
